A Close Encounter Of A Third Kind

The locker room at the gym is a foreign place to me.  It's somewhere I don't think I'll ever feel 100% comfortable.  At least, not as long as women of all ages and sizes are walking around chatting it up while naked or a naked woman with a 70's bush is blow drying it with a hair dryer.  I thought that was the weirdest thing I'd encounter in the locker room.  I was wrong.

Last week after I completed a strenuous workout I went into the locker room to take a shower.  On my way into the shower, I saw who my friend and I have affectionately dubbed "the crazy old Asian lady."   What makes her crazy?  Not the fact that she's mid 70's at least, or the fact that she barely speaks English.  It's her crazy wild hair that looks trollish and like she hasn't brushed/washed it in years.  That and that she acts a bit "off"".  On my walk back to my locker after taking a shower I noticed she was still just wandering around.  I'm not one of those "let-it-all-hang-out-girls" and dress quickly and as discreetly as possible.  I felt someone staring at me as I was halfway dressed.  I turned and saw it was her.  Staring me down a few feet away.  "Creepy", I thought.  I turned back to quickly finish and then felt eyes on the other side of me.  I looked to the left.  It was her again!  She went around to the other side to scope me out!  By this point I was really getting weirded out.  I finished dressing and went over to the mirrors to fix my makeup.  Within seconds the crazy lady was standing right next to me staring me down.  The following describes my close encounter of a third kind:

Crazy Lady: "How old you?
Me: "Excuse me?"
Crazy Lady: "How old you are?"
Me: "How old am I?  I'm 33."
Crazy Lady: "33?!!!  NOOOO!  Look 24!  No wrinkle!"
Me: *laughed* "Um, thanks." *turns back to mirror*
Crazy Lady: *standing even closer now, inches away* "Where you go?  Where you from?"
Me: "Huh?????"
Crazy Lady: "Where go from?"
Me: "Um....I'm sorry I don't understand.  Where did I come from?  Like what class?"
Crazy Lady: "No!  Work, where work?"
Me: "Oh....a...at a computer company" *figuring the shortest most high level answer is best*
Crazy Lady: "Oh you smaaaaaaaaaaaart!"
Me: *laughs* "Thank you!"
Crazy Lady: "You marry? Have babies?"
Me: "Yes, married with 2 babies"
Crazy Lady: "Married TWO BABIES?!"  *THEN GRABS MY STOMACH WITH BOTH OF HER HANDS* "NO LOOK HAVE 2 BABIES!!!"
Me: *shock* "Ummmmmmm, thank you?" *backs away slowly*
Crazy Lady:  "33, no 33, look 24, no wrinkle, smaaaaaart, BUT MARRIED HAVE 2 BABIES. NO LOOK HAVE 2  BABIES." 

She shook her head in disgust and walked away.  I stood there with my mouth a gap wondering what just happened.  I haven't been back to the gym since.  I'm getting up the courage to go tomorrow.  With my friend.  I need the support.  I'm also planning on giving her a little nudge forward in case I spy the Crazy Lady so she can experience a close encounter of her own! :)