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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I'm no wussy cry baby girl!

I had a little problem with my arm today.  I'll skip the part of how it happened to protect the grandparent who is horrified by the accident, but let's just say don't ever pull a little munchkin like me by the arm.  Something bad happens when you do that. Let's skip to the part where my arm didn't work.  My poor unnamed grandparent didn't even notice I had a dummy arm for an hour or so.  Why?  BECAUSE I'M NO WUSSY CRY BABY GIRL THAT'S WHY!  Arm, shmarm.  I got two of them, so why cry?  I can make do and play with my good arm.

 My poor grandparent called Mommy saying what happened and Mommy rushed to get me and take me into the doctor's.  When Mommy was driving she told me that Dr. Q would fix my arm.  I immediately told Mommy, "NO!  Dr. Q not fix the arm!  Use this one!" and I offered up my good arm.  I went and saw Dr. Q two days ago, and I wasn't about to let that beezy anywhere near me!  I got 4 sharp things stuck in me when I went!  Forget that and keep your stickers lady, I'm not goin'!  I'll just survive with one arm, thank-you-very-much.  Mommy didn't think that was such a good idea though and kept on driving.  She told me I wouldn't get any shots, but I wasn't trusting that nonsense.  Doctors = no good things.  They deceive you with a room filled with cool little chairs, books, and toys and then out come the sharp things!  No way, no how.  I'm not goin'!

Mommy parked and we walked up to the Dr.'s office.  I still offered her up the good one trying to convince her I was really fine just having one arm.  She still didn't buy it.  We stopped to take a little video because Mommy knew Daddy would want to see my arm.  It was just hanging there, not sure what was so special about it.  I smiled big though for my "before" shot. 

Really Mom, I don't need two arms, I'm fiiiine!  See, SMILING!

As soon as we walked in I was pulled in by the tempting toys and chairs and forgot all about where we were with the pokey things.  And then I felt something.  Fahties.  Uh-oh.  I had chones on and poop was on the way!  Mommy saw me pop a squat and took me into the bathroom speedy quick.  I wasn't feelin' the whole go #2 in a public restroom thing and tried violently to resist sitting on the potty.  I wasn't as strong as I normally am though since my lame arm just hung there and didn't help a dude out.  I could have used that thing to push myself off, or smack my Mommy away!  Hmm, maybe having two arms that work would be a good thing.  I decided to use the muscles I did have and clamp my little booty shut.  That poop would just have to wait until we got home.  As we came out of the bathroom I saw her.  That lady with the funny clothes that gave me those 4 ouchie things!  I tried to run away, but Mommy picked me up and we followed that mean old lady into a room. 

I begged Mommy to go home and that I'd just "use this one, Dr. no fix arm".  Mommy and the mean lady told me I wasn't getting any shots again.  The lady put some thing on my head, which I again couldn't push away since my arm wouldn't work.  By this time I was changing my mind that I needed that dumb old arm.  The lady told us that Dr. Q wasn't in, but Dr. A would come fix my arm soon.  I occupied my time by taking pictures of me and Mommy.  I'm a pretty talented photographer even one handed!

I later learned this is Mommy's I hope the camera keeps him
from screaming bloody murder face

Mommy said she clearly needs Botox after seeing this picture

Then there was a knock on the door and in walked two men.  Dr. A had another doctor in training with him to demonstrate how to fix an arm.  Dr. A talked to Mommy all about what he thought was wrong with my arm.  Something about Nursemaid's elbow.  I'm not sure what a nursemaid is, but I know what an elbow is!  I kept on taking pictures and even got one of the doctor.

Mommy looks concerned in this one, I'm glad I didn't see her face

This is Dr. A who fixed my arm. He's a genius! 

He then had Mommy take off my shirt and looked at my arms.  "Yup", he said to Mommy.  It was that nurse thing.  He told Mommy he was shocked that I wasn't crying hysterically.  Puhlease.  Who does this guy think he's dealing with?  I'M NO WUSSY CRY BABY GIRL!  I've got street cred to uphold.  I've got my sissy, and my 2 girl cousins that live here.  I gotta be the tough guy.  It's my job.  It's a job I take very seriously.  There's a ton of estrogen in munchkinland in these parts, and a guy's gotta hold his own.  Girls can smell weakness I tell you!

It took Dr. A a few tries to fix my arm, which involved twisting it and trying to snap it back into place.  I won't lie, that hurt like a mother and I did shed some tears.  Hey, I said I'm no cry baby girl but I am human.  Cut a guy some slack.  And then all of a sudden my arm worked!  Whaddya know?!  I had 2 arms again!  SCORE!  I gave my boys Dr. A and Random Guy a high five and fist bump, said thank you, grabbed a sticker, and headed for the door to blow the joint before the mean lady showed up with the sharp torture devices.  The ladies were fawning all over me on my way out commenting how brave I was.  I batted my eyes and gave them a smirk.  Puhlease ladies, it was nothin'. Even Mean Lady showed up to tell me what a brave little man I was.  I threw her my biggest smile and said, "See you later!"  Mommy whispered to me, "Tough guy and a lover?!  Killer combination Bubb.  You'll have the ladies swooning."   We stopped to take my after pictures and a video of my working arm. 
Yeah, I know.  I'm like, totally brave.  The chicks dig that.

Look Mom, 2 hands!  It works! Winning!

The lesson I learned today is you really do need 2 arms, doctors aren't all that bad, don't let anyone pull your arm (give them your finger to pull instead), and being a tough guy can be exhausting.

It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it.

The Resident Tough Guy

PS. Mommy said the videos are taking too long so she'll add them tomorrow.

PS2. Unnamed Grandparent, it was an accident.  You're forgiven.  Just pay some mind that my limbs are attached and I've decided I should probably be able to use all of them.  xoxo

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